Heeeeyyyy! How many of you saw the movie… “He’s Just Not that Into You”? Well I know after I saw it, I analyzed every guy to that standard. I know, movies are fictional and meant for entertainment, however, at the time, trying to figure out the dating world definitely seemed like a MTV reality special and I was the star! I wanted to make men the exception to the rule because that seemed to be the glimpse of hope I could muster in a world full of guys that seemed to be comfortable with “situationships”. How in the world was I to think you were into me when you couldn’t commit to me?!
Then one day things changed for me. My thought process changed, my outlook, and my expectations. Soon I began to manifest my thoughts and prayers and realized that I didn’t need to settle for what I thought was the exception to the rule because there were actually good guys who changed the definition of the rule. Somewhere along the line, my thoughts became skewed and my definition of the rule became more lax.
Anywho I am writing this to inspire and give hope to those wondering if maybe he is that into you. The thoughts that you have of what you desire are ok. Don’t settle. Good guys still exist. Here’s my take of figuring this dating thing out:
1. He cares about your well being:
I’m not just talking about the general, “How are you?” question… but does he get specific. “Have you eaten today?” “Please let me know when you make it to your destination” “Let me fill your tank up” (physically or emotionally). It is so important to evaluate how much he actually considers your wellbeing. And based on his reaction to your responses, you’ll know if it’s a front or for real. True story… I started working at a new job. As I was leaving the parking garage something bit my leg and I hit a pole. I was fine, a bit shaken up, but my car was done! I knew Bae was at work and wouldn’t receive my text until he left. I texted him anyway to let him know. He responded when he saw it and acted as if things were normal. (so you know I started thinking ahh hell… he’s like the others) It was hours later so I really WAS ok, I was just stressed. Soon he was knocking on my front door. He didn’t ask me if I wanted company, but when I saw him I knew I needed the company. He hugged me and said “I knew you wanted me here so I came straight to you.” Now that was major to me because it was as if he knew my needs and wants and I didn’t have to ask him to respond to them. He cared. He got it!
2. He communicates effectively:
Now this is MAJOR for me at least! I am a communicator! I like to talk and be expressive. What’s important is how does he communicate with you. Is he open to change? Does he speak with a caring tongue? Can he tell you how he feels. Disagreements happen in a relationship. To think that they will not is a set up for failure. I mean how is someone supposed to challenge you if they are always agreeing with you anyway?! Just saying! But here’s the thing… when a disagreement happens, that’s usually when you see how someone truly feels. Were they holding onto a bunch of hateful vernacular to spew out to you at the moment of the argument, or did they listen to understand and respond carefully and with thought. I respect being able to have a conversation about something that is not agreeable and being able to mutually receive some resolution. It’s important that you feel full afterwards and not attacked.
3. He openly shows you affection:
I’m not talking about making you his #WCW every Wednesday. Although those things are nice, they are just pictures. Can he make your heart flutter by a loving kiss on the forehead, stealing a kiss before departing and even smacking your butt as you prepare dinner (because we all know that makes us feel like “it’s big huh!”). To me it’s the things that make me feel good. Never wanting to let go. Hugging me and pulling me in tighter just when I think the hug is over. Looking at me and noticing that I changed the way my eye makeup is. Noticing the details. Expressing to your friends and family how much I mean to you. That matters.
Bae really showed me something that I knew, but felt even more enlightened after he said it. People can post pictures, and it could be a facade. That’s the day and age of social media. Putting on for others. What matter most is how genuinely happy are you. What does your reality snapshot look like. Fortunate for me, my dreams and prayers are manifesting into my reality. No things are not absolutely perfect. Things come up. Shit happens. It gets ugly. But because I have made the rule the standard and no longer settling for what I defined as the exception… I am embracing happiness and allowing things to flow. You got this sis! You can do it too!
Whitney J. has spoken!
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